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The 2023 Las Vegas Visitor Profile Study is out.

As always, the survey from the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority provides interesting (if not always scientific) insights into the nature of Las Vegas visitors.

Yes, this survey is reliably unreliable, but it’s all we’ve got, so just go with it. Oh, and in case you were wondering, our band in high school was called The Fruitless Nougats.

To save you a metric ass-ton of time, we’ve extracted 25 useless items from the survey, making it easy for you to mansplain Las Vegas to everyone at your next dinner party. Just kidding, since the pandemic, people don’t host dinner parties. Well, we haven’t been invited to any. Wait a damn minute. If you’ve been having dinner parties without us, you are no longer invited to read our blog. Good luck finding 69 jokes in the Las Vegas Review-Journal.

Anyway, the survey!

First, some housekeeping related to the survey’s methodology. “Through 2021 the report was based on ongoing intercept surveys of travelers to Las Vegas. Beginning in 2022 an online component was added to reach a broader cross-section of visitors to Las Vegas.”

According to the LVCVA, 5,411 interviews were conducted over the course of 2023, online and off. That might not sound like a lot given there were about 39 million visitors in 2023, but it’s considered statistically representative of all those visitors.

The LVCVA’s primary audience for its survey is casinos, their bosses, although the LVCVA is paid for by room taxes, so we taxpayers are their bosses, technically.

Let’s go, as the kids say. Actually, the “Let’s go!” (sometimes including an f-bomb) trend is so annoying, isn’t it? It’s replaced “Winner, winner, chicken dinner” in Las Vegas casinos. This should’ve been in the survey: “Can you seriously not come up with something more creative to shout when the dealer busts?” Please do better, everyone.

1. First time visitor numbers were down from 2022 to 2023. Sixteen percent of visitors were virgins, compared to 24% in 2022 and 20% in 2021. There goes our theory the LVCVA tweaks the numbers to make them look better.

2. The average number of visits to Las Vegas is 2.2 times a year. A .2 visit is one where you arrive, get deathly ill from drinking and sleep the entire rest of your visit.

3. People who visit Las Vegas more often than the average are more active in social media. That’s because whatever batshit crazy things happen in Las Vegas, they’re nowhere near the level of crazy in social media.

4. Just 8% of Las Vegas visitors say they visit to gamble. Then again, 48% visit for “vacation/pleasure.” Same difference. Nearly as many people (75% of repondents) say they visit Las Vegas for conventions as come to gamble. Weirdos.

5. Half the people who said they visited Las Vegas for a special occasion were here to get shit-faced and wear a sash saying, “It’s my birthday!” to help beg for free drinks from strangers and bartenders.

6. More than half of Las Vegas visitors arrived via ground transportation, up from 49% in 2022.

7. The survey says 1% of visitors used limos to get around town during their trip, and 1% used the Vegas Loop (the underground Tesla transportation system from Elon Musk). We’ll take the under on that one. It only goes to Resorts World at the moment. We told you this report is reliably unreliable. We suspect Russian interference.

8. About 54% of Las Vegas visitors went downtown during their stay. Please get your mind out of the gutter, this is a very serious subject. That number is down from 58% in 2022.

9. Unfortunately for downtown Las Vegas, Gen Z is the age demo most likely to visit downtown (64% of downtown visitors), the group with the least amount of disposable income. (24% of Gen Z visitors stayed in a room with four or more occupants.) These folks love experiences, though, and downtown is definitely that.

10. About 54% of downtown visitors went down for the Fremont Street Experience, that’s up from 50% the year before. This question is always a bit wonky, as it’s unclear what respondents mean by the Fremont Street Experience. Are they talking about the video screen? The live music? The people-watching? The street party? Is that all lumped under Fremont Street Experience?

11. Just 2% of survey respondents said the reason they didn’t visit downtown was because they didn’t want to take their children there. Just 2%. WTF is wrong with people? Fremont Street is no place for children. Why? Because Las Vegas is no place for children. Don’t get us started.

12. Now, you’ve done it! A whopping 16% of people say they brought someone in their party under 21. Translation: Kids. It was 16% in 2022 and 21% in 2021. We were interviewed about all this on CNBC a while back. In 2019, just 5% of those surveyed brought their kids, it was 6% in 2018. Yes, there are more things for children to do in Las Vegas than ever, but that doesn’t mean people have to do them.

13. Phew, 79% of visitors gambled during their stay. Somebody has to make it so residents don’t have to pay state income tax.

14. The average gambling budget of Las Vegas visitors was $787.54. In 2018, it was $527.05. We blame F1.

15. Visitors went to an average of 3.7 casinos during their stay (the .7 is Ellis Island, it’s wee) and gambled at an average of 1.8 casinos.

16. Average nightly room rates in 2023 hit a new high of $171.98. Well, “high” is relative, especially if you have stayed in a hotel in any other major city in the world. Let’s keep it real. Even with paid parking and nuisance fees, Las Vegas is still a relatively great value.

17. The average number of days (4.3) and nights (3.3) stayed in Las Vegas was down a smidge from 2022 (4.4 and 3.4, respectively). We blame it on children. And possibly F1. But mostly children. Just the sheer smell alone would make people want to bail on a hotel room. It takes housekeeping longer to get rid of the kid smell than weed smell. Why isn’t that in the visitor survey?

18. Visitors surveyed said their food and beverage budget was $564.73, up from $519.23 in 2022. The average budget was $314.96 in 2018. Hence all the whining.

19. Just 26% of visitors saw a show during their trip, a staggering drop since 2018 (when 58% of visitors said they saw a show). This shift has changed the Las Vegas entertainment scene dramatically. Residencies, sports and Sphere are grabbing all the entertainment dollars now. And “Absinthe,” but pretty much those other things.

20. Blah, blah, something sports.

21. Despite the complaining about Las Vegas we hear day in and day out in social media, the survey from the LVCVA says 97% of visitors were either very satisfied or somewhat satisfied with their visit. The rest were trick-rolled.

22. Of those surveyed, 84% said they’re extremely or very likely to return to Las Vegas in the future.

23. Las Vegas visitors in 2023 were 64% married, which basically means on vacation they slip off their wedding rings.

24. The average age of a Las Vegas visitor was 43.8, compared to 45.1 in 2018 and 46.2 in 2019. Oddly, the average stripper age in Las Vegas has remained exactly the same.

25. In 2013, of those Las Vegs visitors surveyed, 61% were white, 14% were African-American, 9% were Asian, 13% were Hispanic and 3% were people who thought they were white but after sending saliva to Ancestry.com learned, “OMFG, I’m Micronesian!”

That’s it. We’re winded.

If you’d like to get more granular, you can see the full report, the entire kit and caboodle, on the LVCVA Web site.

Yes, fellow youths, kits (collections) and caboodles (bundles) were once common in our society. You would almost never see a kit without a caboodle, actually. “Kit and caboodle” means “shebang.”

We were going to make a Ricky Martin joke, then realized “She Bangs” was released in 2000, so many of our fellow youths weren’t even born yet.

Whole enchilada? Is that politically incorrect? We’re pretty sure “lock stock and barrel” is.

Anyway, we hope you have enjoyed this rambling exercise in writing a story when there’s no big news happening in Las Vegas right now.

We would love to hear what questions you’d like included in the next Las Vegas Visitor Profile Study. Here are some we’d love to see.

“Did you bring any special toys to Las Vegas?”

“Did your hotel housekeeper make any towel animals? If so, did you realize due to union rules, that cost the hotel $1,250?”

“Did you emotionally break down when you heard the Mirage volcano was going away?”

“War, what is it good for?”

“Did you visit downtown and what were the things you can’t unsee?”

“During your Las Vegas visit, how many times did some asshat blow smoke in your face?”

Enjoy this world premiere of a song we made for you. We can't stop singing it and hope you do not have the same experience, probably. pic.twitter.com/f0BKdxYJWj

— Vital Vegas (@VitalVegas) September 7, 2024

“At any point during your stay, did you watch a dinosaur perform magic? Also, did you realize at the time how much Piff hates being called a dinosaur rather than a dragon?”

“What irksome fee did you discover on your restaurant tab?”

“Did you attend any magic shows? If so, where did David Copperfield touch you?”

“What is the deal with escalators in Las Vegas?”

“Did you actually think that beautiful woman was talking to you in the lobby bar because you’re interesting?”

“During your stay, were you ever stung on the testicles by a scorpion and do you have an ambulance-chasing lawyer yet?”

“Remember when every casino had a comedy-hypnosis show? Does anyone really miss them all that much?”

“How big a second mortgage did you need to pay your hotel minibar tab?”

“At any point during your stay, did you strike up a conversation with a slot machine? Not that anyone would do that, especially not us, we are a survey, but still.”

“Did you enjoy your hotel room, or did you get one with a view of air conditioning vents and mating pigeons?”

“Are you one of those people who, every time a slot machine is down, assumes it was a Russian hack and what brand of aluminum foil is your favorite?”

“If you stayed in Las Vegas during the summer, on a scale of 0-4, what stage is your melanoma?”

“Jerry’s Nugget. How is that dump even allowed to exist?”

“How many times did you look at the butts of scantily-clad women pressuring tourists for tips before your wife noticed? Also, can you substantiate your answer with photos? Which you could e-mail us if that’s not too much trouble?”

“Did you notice casino gift shops don’t have prices on the items and why don’t you like surprises?”

“How many times during your visit did you swear you will never gamble again, right before gambling again?”

“If you’re visiting from a foreign country, did you use your adorable accent during your stay or have a meter-long slushy drink? Because they’re usually called yard-longs, in case that weren’t obvious?”

“On a related note, does it bother you we didn’t find this survey stat until we started writing these questions? The international visitor segment (12%) continued to recover, growing from 9% last year and well ahead of the pandemic low of 3% in 2021.”

“Did you know prostitutes sometimes perform sexual acts in hotel ice machine rooms because they don’t have cameras? Allegedly?”

“Did you do any exercise-related activities during your stay and if so, what is wrong with you?”

“What kind of things do you blame on F1?”

Well, that was certainly a fun comedic device, wasn’t it?

Actually, we’d love to see this annual Las Vegas survey infused with more provocative questions.

Let’s f-bomb go, LVCVA!

The post 25 Fruitless Nougats From the New Las Vegas Visitor Profile Survey appeared first on Vital Vegas.

We have droned on endlessly about the “dice pip problem” for years now. The “problem” has now become an epidemic, extending even to the world of golf.

What is the problem? Often, when dice are depicted, designers screw up the pips (the spots). The opposite sides of dice always add up to seven. That means numbers that add up to seven can’t be side-by-side. It’s an unforgiveable mistake.

Recently, two major golf ball manufacturers have released botched dice pips, Callaway and TaylorMade. This simply cannot stand.

TaylorMade debuted in 1979. The company’s early success was due to its metal drivers, one of which should be used to remind whoever designed their new golf balls to always, always check the dice pips.

From the description of these golf balls, you can tell TaylorMade is trying hard to tap into the excitement of craps: “You won’t have to rely on a lucky roll when you put the TP5 and TP5x pix Dice golf balls in your bag. TP5 is the softest five-layer ball on Tour, and TP5x is the fastest—it’s also now 1/2-club longer.”

The balls are part of a casino-themed set. Honestly, it doesn’t matter what flair is included, you botch the balls, you’re dead to us. Despite the fact we don’t golf and wouldn’t know a dimple from a divot.

That’s not the point. The point is we need to have things to be indignant about, and dice pips is one of those things.

Examples of pip fails are everywhere, but it just seems worse coming from big companies who should know better.

Next pip gaffe culprit: Callaway.

Callaway is one of the premier golf ball makers in the world, yet finds itself in a FUBAR sand trap with its “Supersoft Casino Golf Balls.”

Not only did Callaway screw up its dice pips, it managed to get both its dice wrong. That’s some world-class screw-uppery right there.

You can check out more dice pip fails in our archives, or just look around for dice and you’re bound to see some blatant blunders.

Dice pip fails are everywhere.

Butt ink pip fail in “The Cooler.” The five and two can’t be side-by-side (opposite sides of the dice should equal seven). William H. Macy seems undeterred. pic.twitter.com/IcefBaxmqn

— Vital Vegas (@VitalVegas) August 19, 2022

A note to our fellow youths: Fails used to be called “mistakes,” and before that, they were called “boners.” No, really. Please note our self-restraint, despite the fact “ball boners” just rolls off the tongue, so to speak. It’s call maturity.

What happens when pip fails are called out? Usually, nothing. In some cases, though, businesses listen and rectify their transgressions.

It’s official, @OleRed has won our heart. Between last night and this morning, they fixed the pip. (h/t @JamesInLasVegas) https://t.co/bI9IVw773w pic.twitter.com/aV2OSnL5u9

— Vital Vegas (@VitalVegas) January 17, 2024

We’re always happy to get pip fails you discover, as we are not omniscient, despite all the evidence to the contrary.

It is incumbent upon all of us to keep a watchful eye on this insidious pip fail parasite as it continues to spread. Remain watchful, publicly ridicule the transgressors whenever possible and hopefully we can detect and isolate such inexcusable lapses until a cure can be found.

The post Golf Ball Makers Infected by Dice Pip Fail Virus appeared first on Vital Vegas.

The infamous McDonald’s at The D in downtown Las Vegas is set to close Aug. 25, 2024.

The closure of a fast food restaurant wouldn’t typically warrant a story on a blog of this undeniable magnificence, but the shuttering of this particular McDonald’s is newsworthy for reasons you won’t get from those shitheads at the Las Vegas Review-Journal. Sorry, we’re still agog at their overt and shameless theft of our story about layoffs at Rio. And a million other scoops over the years.

Essentially, The D has bought out the McDonald’s lease. We haven’t heard an exact number, but understand it’s really, really big. Cue the sad clown.

For some backstory, McDonald’s has been around since The D was Fitzgerald’s. The restaurant, possibly in quotes, was inherited by Derek and Greg Stevens when they bought the place in 2011. Derek Stevens owns 78% of the casino, Greg Stevens owns 22%.

The Stevens also own Circa, Golden Gate and the Downtown Events Center.

From day one, the McDonald’s at The D (just inside the casino entrance from Fremont Street and directly behind the casino’s Longbar) has been a thorn in the side of The D’s owners and employees.

Here’s a look inside. In the video, we say McDonald’s closes in September. That’s the date they have to be gone: Sep. 2, 2024. The last day to get your McCoronary or whatever is Aug. 25, 2024.

This McDonald’s has been a magnet for vagrants and panhandlers and tweakers (and others with substance abuse or mental health challenges) and the domicile-challenged and an often seedy element. And us when we’re hangry, but mostly those other people.

The McDonald’s at The D is corporate owned, which means they pretty much grind out as much profit as possible with little attention to quality or service, and give exactly zero thought to augmenting the casino guest experience. It’s all take, zero give.

Vagrants and others use the McDonald’s as a way to enter the casino when they’d typically be kicked out.

We actually heard one particularly charming street person (with B.O. that could peel paint, apparently) told an executive at The D while standing just inside the entrance to McDonald’s, “I’m allowed to be here, I have money.” There was also an f-bomb between each of the words in that quote. The individual had three giant bags of personal possessions with him, contents unknown.

While one can certainly feel compassion for someone down on their luck, one can also sympathize with a casino trying to create a positive experience for their customers, which doesn’t typically include threatening behavior, obscenities, soiled clothing or a wide variety of bodily odors.

The desire to kick this McDonald’s to the curb has been talked about for years, but the lease seemed unbreakable, stretching into the future for decades.

Finally, a deal was reached, with many terms of the agreement confidential.

As mentioned, this McDonald’s is contractually obligated to get out by Sep. 2, 2024 at 8:00 p.m. The restaurant decided to pull the plug early, and has already absorbed some of the employees into other locations, we’re told.

The McDonald’s team member who told us about the closing date of Aug. 25, 2024 seemed resigned to his fate.

During our visit, we paused our dogged investigative journalism to have a final ice cream cone.

If this whole scenario sounds familiar, it’s because Plaza recently booted its McDonald’s as well, for many of the same reasons The D wanted the store out.

McDonald's is done at Plaza. "Sonofa!" ~The D https://t.co/bDqiW9vGrK

— Vital Vegas (@VitalVegas) December 19, 2023

While a McDonald’s can draw foot traffic to a venue, that traffic doesn’t translate into a desirable customer for the casino.

The McDonald’s at Plaza had a lot of patrons who just got off the bus at the now-closed Greyhound bus station a few feet away. We are not judging people who take busses, at all. Buses do, however, sometimes transport questionable characters. They would often make a beeline to the McDonald’s. It also attracted transients, along with those recently released from the Clark County Detention Center. It’s less than two blocks from Fremont Street. Good times, and awkward, so nobody really talks about it for fear of cancellation.

Anyway, we’re saying all this in as diplomatic a way as possible, but downtown has a lot of challenges. We are a longtime bleeding heart, and homeless advocate. We used to take portraits of the homeless to raise awareness of their plight on and around Fremont Street. We clench when people sometimes call these folks “bums.” The fact is we aren’t doing enough to help, on the city, county or federal level. That doesn’t change the fact the homeless don’t make places like Fremont Street better. They sometimes make a visit more memorable, but not in a good way. We have the luxury of compassion because we don’t have any skin in the game. We don’t have millions of dollars invested in a casino or payroll to make.

Law enforcement and our elected officials (such as our City of Las Vegas Councilpersons) often don’t do a great job of helping businesses deal with their various headaches. Whenever ordinances are proposed to help alleviate some of the problems, the ACLU jumps in and reminds everyone Fremont Street is a public street and panhandling is a First Amendment right of some sort. You won’t find the homeless or tweakers or convicts roaming The Park or Linq promenade on The Strip, they’re private property. Security and law enforcement can show people the figurative door as they see fit, and the operators can do quality control on any buskers. Downtown, casinos only control who’s on the stages. The buskers enter a lottery for performance circles on the street, and there’s zero quality control.

An important aside: Please don’t let your kids take photos with costumed characters. That’s all we’re going to say about that. Also beware of the showgirl photo ops. They can’t legally charge you for a photo, but they certainly make the completely voluntary tips sound required. Tip $5 and keep moving.

The discussion about what we’re collectively doing (or not) for the poor and mentally ill is complicated and nuanced, so we definitely aren’t interested in stepping into that minefield. We are a humor-based blog, in case that were not evident based upon, you know, the lack of things you find humorous.

We tend to lean toward the position of downtown casinos (we worked in digital marketing at Fremont Street Experience, the marketing arm of the casinos along Fremont Street): They pay the lion’s share of what makes Fremont Street unique and popular (including maintenance, security and live entertainment, etc.), they should be able to operate their businesses without being hamstrung. That includes flexibility and leeway in dealing with the homeless, people with substance abuse and mental health issues, and buskers banging on pickle drums or weaving palm fronds outside their doors.

There are plenty of other places to take care of your drunchies on Fremont Street. The D will now, at long last, be free of McDonald’s.

We asked Derek Stevens to comment on this story, but he declined. That has non-disparagement clause written all over it, but we will accommodate his “no comment.”

Nobody really has to make a statement. You just have to watch how many times a night the bartenders at Longbar have to tell drunk people they can’t eat their McDonald’s meal at the bar.

We’ll keep digging to try and find out how much this lease buy-out cost, but we’re pretty sure it was about as much as The D cost. It means that much to have it gone.

We’ll also keep poking to try and find out what The D will do with the McDonald’s space once it’s vacant. It’s oddly positioned, and has weird glass windows that don’t really fit with a casino’s mojo. (Casinos often don’t have windows so patrons presumably will lose track of time. It’s probably a myth now, but that was always a fun yarn.)

We’re pretty sure the area will be reclaimed and be an expansion of the casino, just as La Bayou was acquired and became a part of Golden Gate.

Or Longbar could just wrap around the wall and be rebranded Longerbar. We should probably put a “TM” after that, but we give our genius freely when it comes to making our favorite places better.

The more video poker the better, we say.

Here’s some history about The D (formerly Sundance) and the McDonald’s that became part of Fitzgerald’s in the 1990s. They were probably annoyed by it as well.

We will miss our occasional McDonald’s cones, but the closure of the McDonald’s at The D is far more important than our own personal indulgences. Especially because Derek and Greg Stevens can now revel in their longtime dream of being free of the yoke of the once-revered McDonald’s brand, despite the fact we’re pretty sure Greg Stevens is in physical pain at seeing how much this is going to cost. (He mostly works in Detroit, so he doesn’t see all the colorful characters/asshats every day as Derek Stevens and his team do.)

If the Stevens go with another restaurant in the McDonald’s space at The D, we’re up for that, too. Just not sushi, please. Sushi is weird and also attracts an undesirable crowd. All due respect.

Update (8/26/24): The McDonald’s at The D has permanently closed.

The post Shocker: McDonald’s to Close at The D, Here’s Why It’s a Big Deal appeared first on Vital Vegas.

Our friends here at Casino.org asked 5,000 people to try and distinguish between famous landmarks and their replicas in Las Vegas. Emphasis on “try.”

A stunning number of people apparently can’t tell our Las Vegas homages (like the Statue of Liberty at New York-New York or Trevi fountain at Caesars Palace) from the real thing.

Example: A whopping 95.5% of those surveyed thought the Vegas replica of the Statue of Liberty was the real thing. If “Yikes!” leaps to mind, you’re not alone. Let’s delve face-first into the WTF, shan’t we?

To set the stage, Casino.org asked 5,000 Americans to identify real monuments and their Vegas replicas using photos. Participants were asked about the Eiffel Tower, Empire State Building, Statue of Liberty, Erawan Shrine, Sphynx of Giza, St. Mark Campanile, Trevi Fountain, Statue of David, Venice Grand Canal and Arc de Triomphe.

The only one we didn’t recognize immediately is the Erawan shrine, mostly because that’s not how it’s referred to. The Eraway shrine is the Brahma shrine at Caesars Palace. It’s near Hell’s Kitchen. We are not making this up.

So, while it’s hard to say how scientific this survey is (it’s unclear what photos were used and photo selection could definitely skew the results, see details here), but it’s a fun look into the heads of random people who may need to travel more.

The results!

Survey participants had widely varying levels of success, depending upon the replica in question.

As stated earlier, nearly 96% of respondents said the Vegas replica of the Statue of Liberty was the real thing. Which seems wild, unless you recall the U.S. Postal Service was similarly confused.

In 2010, a Statue of Liberty Forever stamp was issued using not the real Statue of Liberty, but a close-up of the statue in Las Vegas. The mistake was caught three billion stamps later and the sculptor of the Las Vegas replica got $3.5 million for the gaffe.

If you’re bored, here are all the architectural inspirations for New York-New York.

Here are all the survey results in one handy infographic.

A list highlighting what people got right would be fun, but a list of what people got wrong is funnier, so we’re going with that.

Statue of Liberty, 96% got it wrong, mistaking the replica for the real thing; Arc de Triomphe, 93% wrong; Trevi Fountain, 64% wrong; St. Mark Campanile Bell Tower, 58% wrong; Erawan Shrine, 57% wrong; Eiffel Tower, 54% wrong; Giza Sphynx, 45% wrong; David Statue, 17% wrong; Venice Grand Canal, 11% wrong; and Empire State Building, 6% wrong.

That’s a lot of Americans “fooled” by our fake landmarks!

Actually, it’s a testament to the designers, artists and builders who created this impressive array of eye candy on the Las Vegas Strip.

All of these landmarks have aged pretty well. Among the sites in the survey, nothing stands out as being particularly cheesy or outdated. They’re timeless, just like the originals.

Las Vegas architecture has taken hits over the years for being garish and tacky and incongruous.

But these landmarks are also part of what makes Las Vegas so awesome. It’s the high-speed collision of styles and cultures and inspirations that keeps people from around the world wide-eyed when they visit, even if they come from a place that has its own famous landmarks.

Our landmarks don’t just rival the originals, they are arguably more impressive because there are so many all in one place. They’re also more accessible and useful than their counterparts.

The actual Venice smells to high heaven. The Eiffel Tower is surrounded by French people.

You can’t touch the real David statue’s toe for good luck!

Oh, look, it’s a “Seinfeld” reference from 1994!

We're just trying to help you find the David statue at Caesars Palace by enlarging the sign nearby. Please grow up. pic.twitter.com/v9xtFqF9HE

— Vital Vegas (@VitalVegas) June 25, 2024

This was a fun survey, and because our blog is on Casino.org, we plan to take credit for the idea at the next staff meeting. Kidding. One of our favorite things about Casino.org is they don’t have staff meetings.

Casino.org also kept track of which states did the best and worst at distinguishing real landmarks from their Las Vegas copies. Nevada wasn’t among the top five states or the bottom, interestingly.

New Jersey had the smartest cookies with a 62.5% accuracy rate. Wyoming had the fewest right answers, with a wobbly 30% accuracy rate. Again, not super scientific, so don’t feel bad, Wyoming. It’s not like anyone can find your state on a map, anyway. All due respect. They call your geyser “Old Faithful.” Invest in a new one, already. That’s what we’d do in Las Vegas.

If we had to pick a favorite Las Vegas landmark, we’d go with the Eiffel Tower. Because Spearmint Rhino wasn’t included in the survey. Do you know this blog at all?

The post Awkward: Many Americans Mistake Las Vegas Landmarks for the Real Thing appeared first on Vital Vegas.

At a presentation to the Las Vegas Stadium Authority on July 18, 2024, the Oakland A’s confirmed there is currently no financing in place for a proposed $1.5 billion ballpark in Las Vegas.

We aren’t talking about a shortfall. There’s no financing to pay for this venue, at all.

The bottom line: Las Vegas continues to have its chain yanked and pretty much everyone involved is complicit in the clown show.

Nobody really understands what the Las Vegas Stadium Authority does, but there’s a Web site that says, “The Las Vegas Stadium Authority is responsible for the ownership and oversight of the NFL stadium project created by Senate Bill 1 during the 30th Special Session of the Nevada State Legislature. The Stadium Authority is also responsible for the ownership and oversight of the MLB stadium project created by Senate Bill 1 during the 35th Special Session of the Nevada State Legislature.”

We assume that clarifies everything.

This body is responsible for overseeing sports venues built with public money. You know, safeguarding taxpayers 24/7. Taxpayers gave $750 million to a billionaire to build the Raiders stadium. The guy who heads up the Authority, Steve Hill, also runs the LVCVA (Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority), the agency charged with promoting Las Vegas for the casinos (funded with tax dollars via a room tax). It’s Las Vegas, absolutely nothing to see here.

The A’s are forced to interact with the Las Vegas Stadium Authority because if all goes to plan, $380 million in taxpayer money will go toward building a new ballpark on the Tropicana site.

The Las Vegas Stadium Authority is very invested in the A’s move, as it’s perceived an MLB team will move some serious needles in Las Vegas (visitation, tax revenue, jobs, prosperity, the whole nine), at least based upon projections (largely untethered from reality) by consultants hired by the A’s.

At the meeting, A’s executive Sandy Dean laid out the financing details for the new ballpark.

By “details,” of course, we mean unmitigated horseshit.

Here’s how it went.

Confirmed: The A’s don’t have investors investing. They hope to, but if they had investors, we’d have heard about them. No smart investor is going to contribute $850 million (or any portion thereof) based upon some magical future projected value of the team. That value is a complete fabrication (just like projections of 28,000 fans attending every game), as is the assertion there are a number of interested investors. The A’s even hired a high-powered firm (Galatioto Sports Partners) to find investors, but none have surfaced. Not one.

If we’re calling the homeless “unhoused” now, should we be referring to the A’s ownership and management as “unclued”?

— Vital Vegas (@VitalVegas) July 15, 2024

Confirmed: The A’s don’t have lenders who are actually lending. The A’s are claiming multiple financial institutions are excited to lend the A’s $300 million, but excitement isn’t money. Excitement can sometimes result in money, like at strip clubs, but at strip clubs, there’s a viable business model.

Confirmed: While the Fisher family could contribute all the necessary equity ($850 million) to the project, there’s no real indication that’s happening. “Could” is a far cry from “will.” Wealthy people don’t get or stay wealthy by spending their own money on projects with questionable returns.

Confirmed: When we say there’s no funding for a ballpark, we aren’t exaggerating. The $380 million in public funding everyone assumes is a done deal actually isn’t. See, the A’s have to spend $100 million to get the public money. If that $100 million doesn’t exist, neither does the public funding.

It’s all smoke and mirrors from the A’s, abetted by public officials.

It’s the illusion of activity. Of progress. Of something being accomplished.

Read this slowly and repeat if necessary: Hopes and promises aren’t financing. Words and proposals and laughable renderings don’t pay for things.

The A’s iron-clad financing plan for a Las Vegas ballpark is akin to “thoughts and prayers,” and we all know how effective those are.

Why are people, including many media outlets, so inclined to take the A’s, its ownership or its representatives at their word?

The A’s had an iron-clad, binding agreement to build a ballpark on the Wild Wild West site. They now say they’re building on the Tropicana site.

The A’s have yet to provide anything concrete related to this ongoing quagmire. The renderings are ridiculous, the financing is foggy and the team is playing in Sacramento for three years. You know, to start building that Las Vegas fanbase.

Our money’s on the Sacramento A’s staying there. Unless the team ends up staying in Oakland. Stop chortling. We’ve been saying this for a year.

If you think the A’s are done in Oakland, you haven’t been paying attention. The Trop deal isn’t a done deal and moving to Vegas isn’t either. They haven’t even said where they’re getting a billion in financing. Just relax. It’s just sports.

— Vital Vegas (@VitalVegas) July 24, 2023

You can watch a portion of the Las Vegas Stadium Authority meeting here.

You can read more about the meeting here, from media outlets that are giving the A’s the benefit of a doubt for some inexplicable reason. Here are stories from the Las Vegas Review-Journal, Nevada Independent and AP.

We aren’t seeing a ton of skepticism in news coverage, but that’s Las Vegas.

We like the takes from Field of Schemes, mostly because they agree with us that the financing plan is a “big pile of nuthin.” We’d add “steaming,” but that pretty much nails it.

And don’t get us started about the Bally’s Corp. aspect of this mess. Bally’s Corp. isn’t building a resort on its own. The company lacks the resources.

One twist in this saga did transpire in Chicago recently.

The owner of the land under Tropicana, a REIT called GLPI (Gaming and Leisure Properties, Inc.), is presumably helping Bally’s Corp. (which owned the operations of Tropicana) build a casino in Chicago with $2 billion in financing.

Could GLPI help pay for a proposed casino resort on the site shared by the imagined A’s ballpark in Las Vegas? Anything is possible, but the only way a resort on the Tropicana site is viable is if it’s the only thing on the Tropicana site. It’s complicated, but viability is based upon the number of hotel rooms, and the number of hotel room on this site is limited by FAA restrictions due to the proximity to the airport.

One tidbit not widely reported is the fact Bally’s Corp. effectively sold off all its real estate to fund the Chicago casino project. So, selling more isn’t an option to help pay for whatever gets built on the Trop site. We get the feeling Bally’s could swing one or the other project with some serious help, but not both. Bally’s chose Chicago. Time will tell.

We personally think sports have ruined Las Vegas, so it pains us to have to write about a subject that’s not even particularly Vegas-related anymore. An MLB team will be Vegas-related again when a serious team with serious owners present a real-world plan, including financing, probably in the parking lot of the Rio, unless an NBA arena is build there first.

Hearing rumblings about Oak View Group eyeballing Rio. We assumed an MLB ballpark would eventually end up there when the A’s deal falls through at the Trop site, but it sounds like a Rio stadium would make Oak View more competitive in drawing an NBA team when T-Mobile seems the…

— Vital Vegas (@VitalVegas) July 7, 2024

There do need to be more voices of reason to help lend perspective to this ongoing debacle.

Las Vegas deserves a team worthy of it, and the A’s aren’t it.

The post A’s Confirm There’s No Financing for a Las Vegas Ballpark appeared first on Vital Vegas.

We should probably start by saying we’re all doomed.

Why? Because yet another billion-dollar project has been announced with zero chance of happening and literally no other news outlet has the brains or balls to call bullshit.

This time, it’s a $1.2 billion “Z Athlete Village,” “poised to revolutionize the athletic industry through the strategic utilization of artificial intelligence (A.I.) technology on the game changing campus.” We have honestly run out of faces and palms.

Breaking: A.I. is the new “immersive.”

Here’s the news release, just so you don’t think we’re pranking you.

There is no evidence Z Athlete or its CEO Zig Ziegler, a sports kinesiologist, has the means to fund this $1.2 billion “sports training center and athlete village.”

No, not that Zig Ziegler, another one. The one you’ve heard of died in 2012 and has a much better chance of bringing this project to fruition than the one they’re referring to in the news release.

Reminder: It cost $1.156 billion to build Circa, an entire Las Vegas resort that has a business model and generates revenue and actually exists.

Top snake salesman Ziegler says, “After an extensive evaluation process, Las Vegas emerged as the perfect location for Z Athlete Village.”

Why? Because the project originally announced for Scottsdale never materialized. Why? Because it’s all a steaming pile of WTF.

We’ve seen this over and over in Las Vegas, and the local media continues to trumpet these delusional announcements. There was All Net (for a decade) and Bleutech Park and Majestic Las Vegas and Moon Resort and Atari Hotel and King David Hotel and LVXP and an alleged new Bally’s Corp. casino on the Tropicana site and myriad others.

It’s understandable these ridiculous projects are announced, what’s not understandable is the utter lack of critical thought by Las Vegas media given the clearly dubious claims lofted by project developers. News outlets give credence to these nutty developers, who then use the media coverage to try and dupe investors into contributing to their boondoggles.

Not only does local media not realize the emperor has no clothes, they think he’s probing their orifices because he’s trying to ensure their recta are in good working order and a fist is more effective at detecting problems than just one finger.

Why should you believe this blog over the word of a visionary sports kinesiologist? Because that’s not a thing.

Also not a thing? The “destination will feature over 1,000 condotel units.” This hasn’t been a thing since the 2008 housing crash. Per the news release, “The condotel units at Z Athlete Village provide investors a chance to be part of a vibrant community dedicated to sports excellence.”

So, you’re saying you don’t have the financial resources to do any of the things you’re claiming you’re doing it. Got it. This isn’t rocket science.

Other parts of the project that won’t exist: “Z Athlete Factory Sports Performance and Technology Center, the world’s largest indoor track and field arena, a 2,600-seat aquatics center, The Gymnastics Apex, a cutting-edge Olympics caliber gymnastics center and The Annex Indoor Courts.”

Where is all this happening? “The company has narrowed its options to two potential sites, with the final selection expected to be under contract within the next 30 days.” Very specific there, and we’re betting the pig farm on the over.

The Dream Las Vegas resort was definitely getting financing within two weeks. They said that in March 2023 and the construction remains idle next to the Pinball Hall of Fame near the Las Vegas sign.

We searched the Googles and saw a page on the Z Athlete Factory site stating the facility would be in Summerlin, but the page has since been deleted. Yes, we screen grabbed it. This is not our first hogwash rodeo. Which should be a thing, as long as the hogs are cool with it.

We’re sort of over having to be the voice of reason with these idiotic projects. We always sound so negative and pessimistic. But we don’t sound that way when real projects are announced. This isn’t that.

The blame doesn’t just land on our crappy local journalism, the LVCVA is a key enabler, too. They brought us the shitshow that is F1, then trumpeted the financial success of four casinos while excluding the financial devastation suffered by the majority of Las Vegas businesses. They are pushing the A’s relocation, despite the fact the A’s have yet to show how they plan to pay for their imaginary ballpark. The LVCVA has given its stamp of approval to this Z Athlete Village, too.

“Upon opening, Z Athlete Village and its venues will change the landscape of sports in Las Vegas, paving the way to expand the portfolio of sports programming that the destination can host,” said Lisa Motley, vice president of sports and special events for the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority (LVCVA). “We’re excited to help make this campus a reality.” How, exactly? Through flushing more tax dollars? Please.

Why wouldn’t local media gobble this up? It’s the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority. The taxpayer-funded agency charged with promoting and growing Las Vegas. The agency that hires nimrods (sorry, analysts) like Jeremy Aguero of Applied Analysis to pull numbers out of his butt in support of those goals, with zero accountability when those numbers are wrong and taxpayers are left holding the bag.

Don’t get us started.

Anyway, a make-believe project was announced and we’re only writing about this so later we can point back to this story and say we told you so. No sources required, just half a brain.

And don’t think we didn’t hear what you just thought. Rude.

Update (6/14/24): We asked Z Athlete how the project is being funded and received this statement: “Z Athlete Village is a privately held company funded by a mix of debt, venture capital, and private equity.” The bottom line is never trust any person, organization or company that uses the pedantic and pompous Oxford comma. ‘Nuff said.

The post Another Day, Another Bullshit Project: $1.2 Billion Z Athlete Village appeared first on Vital Vegas.

Fontainebleau is throwing one of the most expensive Hail Mary passes in Las Vegas history. You know it’s a big deal if we’re using a sports metaphor.

The resort’s owner, Jeffrey Soffer, is reportedly buying a five acre parcel across the street from the $3.7 billion Fontainebleau for $112.5 million.

We know why, and you’re about to learn what the phrase “good money after bad” means. Gird your loins.

So, Fontainebleau is gorgeous. We say this a lot. It’s a miracle the place opened. It sat idle for two decades.

The resort’s original developer, Jeffrey Soffer, partnered with Koch Real Estate Investments and opened Fontainebleau on December 13, 2023.

In the first quarter of 2024, Fontainebleau lost $400,000 a day. The lesson: Never open a casino on the 13th of the month.

Anyway, it’s been a rough road for Fontainebleau. The most visible signs of distress are 1) the emptiness of the casino, 2) the loss of a dozen key executives. In its first six months of operation, Fontainebleau lost (either through firings or resignations) two presidents, COO, CMO, CFO, Chief People Officer, two senior VPs of casino operations and others.

It’s been quieter at Fontainebleau recently, for a couple of reasons. One, Maurice Wooden is president. Two, a havoc-wreaker—Peter Arnell, Chief Brand and Design Officer for Fontainebleau Development—is no longer in the picture.

Then, out of the blue, it’s reported Jeffrey Soffer is buying part of the former Riviera site.

This was surprising news for a number of reasons.

In 2023, the LVCVA sold 10 acres of the Riviera site to a company called 65SLVB for $125 million. 65SLVB is Brett Torino and Paul Kanavos. These are the folks behind Harmon Corner and 63 at The Shops at Crystals. Retail developers.

Soffer is buying (subject to rubber stamp approval blah-blah-blah from the LVCVA in July 2024) the “back” five acres of the parcel, in other words, the part not on Las Vegas Blvd.

If you do the math, Brett Torino and Paul Kanavos are looking like geniuses, because they recouped nearly their entire investment by selling the least valuable part of their parcel. They still have plenty of room to build some boring retail down the road. Sorry, “jaw-dropping, immersive shopping experience that will change the face of human commerce and echo for an eternity.”

So, why is Fontainebleau spending so much money on a parking lot?

The answer is high roller suite inventory.

The plan is for Fontainebleau to build a bridge to a new structure that will cater to elite gamblers. Think the Mansion at MGM Grand and Fairway Villas at Wynn. If you don’t recognize those places, it’s because we normal humans can’t afford to stay there. Even if you have the money, the highest end suites in Las Vegas can’t be reserved by commoners, they are given away free to whales.

Fontainebleau is spending (wasting) $112.5 million (a shit-ton) because they’re convinced (deluded) the reason they haven’t been able to steal big players from other casinos (Wynn) is they don’t have the suite product to attract them.

They haven’t said that’s the reason for buying the parcel, but that’s the reason.

Fun fact: Justin Timberlake was paid $6 million to perform at Fontainebleau’s opening night gala. That night, he stayed at Wynn. Awkward.

At the moment, Fontainebleau is scrambling to solve for a simple question: “Why isn’t this working?”

The answer is almost as simple: Las Vegas isn’t Miami, “build it and they will come” isn’t tethered to reality. Oh, and no foot traffic.

Speaking of droning, we’ve droned on endlessly about Fontainebleau’s lack of casino and hotel databases, along with the fact Fontainebleau has zero experience in the casino resort business.

The massive losses have, of course, resulted in finger-pointing and chaos.

If your resort isn’t drawing foreign gamblers, fire the person responsible for going after them.

Well-regarded whale hunter Marika Cardellino (Sr. Vice President Latin Europe Middle East) has been fired from Fontainebleau, we’re told.

— Vital Vegas (@VitalVegas) June 9, 2024

If gaming revenue isn’t meeting unrealistic expectations, build villas!

As the kids say, oy.

Q1 2024: $62 million casino revenue, $57 million hotel revenue, $88 million in food and beverage, $2 million retail, $8 million miscellaneous revenue, so total net revenue was $192 million. Comps were $17 million, $1 million a day payroll, royalty fee of $4 million and brand fee of $1 million, total operating expenses, $222 million, for a three month loss of $36 million.

That’s without paying interest on the resort’s financing, as that doesn’t start until mid-2025.

In Q1, net revenue of $191.6 million fell short of budget by $67.6 million, or 26%.

If things don’t change, Fontainebleau is set to lose about $500 million this year.

Or as one source put it…

Source who knows things believes Fontainebleau will be out at Fontainebleau within a year. Koch's stake is 75%, interest payments start mid-2025. Bookmark this Tweet, or whatever the kids are doing now.

— Vital Vegas (@VitalVegas) June 7, 2024

It’s clear many of the decisions being made at Fontainebleau aren’t being made based upon “facts,” but rather optimism with a smidge of ego.

Jeffrey Soffer is really successful, so he’s certainly not dumb, but let’s just say this latest move doesn’t seem particularly well thought through. What do rich people do when they encounter problems? They spend more money to fix them.

Soffer said in a statement, “Almost six months into operations, we are already seeing positive and encouraging results for Fontainebleau Las Vegas.”

It’s unclear if Jeffrey Soffer has actually seen the financials for Fontainebleau. We have.

Did he see the part about “all other verticals suffering from lower-than-budgeted occupancy,” about 50% lower than projections in January and March 2024?

The intern at our paper of record dismiss the challenges at Fontainebleau as just “needing more time for the resort to get its footing.” Mostly because the Review-Journal doesn’t have actual journalism anymore.

The parcel being purchased by Fontainebleau bumps up against another parcel we’ve heard will be a significant development from Siegel Group. The site includes Siegel’s Bagelmania. And the indoor skydiving place. It all adds up to the yellow thing below.

While we don’t care all that much about bagels, we are very interested in seeing the damn rendering already for the project that will include a casino.

Soffer’s purchase of an adjoining parcel raises lots of questions. Will Fontainebleau be around long enough to see the parcel developed? If they build it, will the whales come? Has Jeffrey Soffer lost his damn mind? Whose money is paying for the parcel (is it all Fontainebleau Development money, or is their contribution 25% like the hotel)? Is the purchase of this parcel like buying new deck chairs for the Titanic? Is $112 million being wasted, or can they make it up on the back end?

Of the parcel. Because it’s the back parcel. Please keep up.

Also on the horizon for Fontainebleau: Pending Wynn lawsuit for alleged poaching. Maurice Wooden license approval drama. Insider trading troubles gaming regulators may look into if they wake up from their ongoing naps. Jeffrey Soffer top secret wedding at Fontainebleau, possibly on July 4 weekend. (Get on confirming that scoop, Johnny Kleptometes! We can’t do everything for you.) Rollback of paid parking, probably. Better advertising and social marketing soon. Tier matching extended. Awesome nachos at the Tavern. One of the most beautiful casinos in the history of Las Vegas.

Bottom line: Glorious drama worthy of a Las Vegas casino. The suspense is terrible, we hope it’ll last.

If you read that last sentence and thought Willy Wonka rather than Oscar Wilde, you probably went to public school in Nevada. Yeah, we said it. Like anyone who doesn’t work in P.R. at Fontainebleau reads all the way to the end of our stories, anyway.

The post Fontainebleau Hail Mary: Struggling Resort to Buy Site Next Door for $112.5 Million appeared first on Vital Vegas.

It was easily one of the strangest Las Vegas stories of 2023, and the fantastic news is it’s still not done.

An XS Nightclub manager is suing an unhinged high roller who plastered offensive messages attacking the Wynn staffer on the side of Resorts World. This story gets crazy even in a town known for its unmatched level of crazy.

The lawsuit by Niko Samarxhiu against bonehead Ben Ralph is asking for at least $2 million in damages, and we’ve got all the details, exclusively.

This is the part where we remind you we broke news of the original WTF back in 2023, and it probably would never have been a thing if we hadn’t.

There’s a lot of backstory, but nobody has time to read all that, so here’s the short version.

Ben Ralph, described as a “trust fund baby,” spent the day partying at Wynn’s Encore Beach Club. He then demanded XS Nightclub open early just for him. The manager of XS, Niko Samarxhiu, said no. “No” is not something wealthy, entitled nimrods are used to hearing in Las Vegas.

Ben Ralph promptly went nuts. He taunted Samarxhiu with profanity-laced texts and racist social media posts, and threatened to take his business elsewhere if Samarxhiu wasn’t fired.

Firing people because of hissy fits isn’t how things work in the real world, so Ralph went to nearby Resorts World. Once there, he convinced the staff at Zouk nightclub to put personal messages on the hotel’s massive screen (a perk afforded to big spenders in the club, sorry, once afforded big spenders, you’ll see).

One message taunted Wynn for having taken his business across the street. The screen faces Wynn.

Ralph also taunted Niko Samarxhiu, personally, via the Resorts World screen.

The message: “Food Stamps for Niko.” The subtext: Samarxhiu was out of work or soon would be, presumably due to the sheer enormity of Ben Ralph’s man-child dickishness.

Surreal and beyond the pale, especially given the fact Ralph threatened the life of Samarxhiu and his family.

Rumors at the time were Wynn contacted the authorities and law enforcement pursued the incident, results unclear.

After our story was published, Resorts World issued a statement: “The LED sign on the West Tower was activated on Saturday night with a graphic requested by a nightlife patron. The team members who approved it were not aware of the background behind the request. Regardless, this was a mistake, and the messaging displayed does not reflect Resorts World Las Vegas’s values, and we regret that our LED screen was misused in this manner. Our leadership is handling this internally to ensure the assets displayed on the LED screens are in full alignment with the brand and our values.”

It was difficult to stomach that statement at the time, but given more recent events, it’s even more awkward.

Brand values?

You mean the values where the former Resorts World president, Scott Sibella, pled guilty to a federal criminal charge (just the one!) for failing to file reports of suspicious transactions his casino was required to make pursuant to the Bank Secrecy Act?

Or the other values where Resorts World could face massive fines in an alleged money laundering case?

Anyhoo, fast forward to today.

Niko Samarxhiu is represented by Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck, a well-known law firm in Las Vegas. We got our hands on the Complaint (.pdf), and you can read the entire thing if you’re bored.

The Complaint is, refreshingly, written in human English, unlike most legal documents. We especially like the way the Complaint has an undertone of calling Ben Ralph an asshole, but without coming right out and saying it. Lawyers can’t really do that. We can, because it’s our opinion. We love you, First Amendment.

The lawsuit confirms Ben Ralph was, indeed, arrested for “terroristic threatening.” That’s the legal term for when somebody tries to “terrorize” someone through threats of violence, the threat typically has to be imminent. Terroristic threats can be written, oral or physical. The other kind of terrorism, prevented by taking one’s belt and shoes off at airports, is something else.

The Complaint contains some texts with colorful language, all supporting the assertion Ben Ralph is a despicable human being, and we’re using the term “human being” very loosely here. We’re mainly including this page of the lawsuit because when the Las Vegas Review-Journal takes our story and writes about it (without attribution, of course), they will bleep out these parts.

At one point, Ralph threatens to send his “Dad’s enforcer” to visit Samarxhiu. The term “enforcer” is described as “unambiguous” in the lawsuit. We agree. The only people who use this term have unambiguously small penises.

Our favorite part of the Complaint is on page 11. Item number 36 mentions our immense social media reach, and 48 includes a particularly eloquent and incisive quote from a Las Vegas blog of note.

Yes, a couple of our Tweets about this kerfuffle got more than 1.5 million impressions. Not that we have to make everything about us. Just because we brought an injustice to the attention of the public, selflessly sacrificing our afternoon to write a story that has resulted in a moron getting his comeuppance. That’s just who we are.

That quote is from our blog, too. It resulted in Resorts World and Zouk changing their policy to avoid such shameful shenanigans in the future. If our selflessness seems boundless, we are not going to disagree with your assessment. If this level of generosity inspires you to DM us nudes, again, what selfless person would discourage such an act of self-expression?

Back to the lawsuit!

The smoothest move in the lawsuit has to be this item: “While Resorts World says that its decision to enable some of Ben’s attacks ‘was a mistake’ and did not ‘reflect Resorts World’s values,’ Resorts World was apparently happy to keep the $200,000 they received for their part in Ben’s campaign of intimidation and harassment. The company certainly did not give any of the money they were paid (for what they claim to have been a ‘mistake’) to their victim—Niko.”

As our fellow youths and their attorneys say, “Boom.”

There are two claims for relief: 1) Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress, and 2) False Light Invasion of Privacy. No, being an idiot isn’t against the law. We’d need much bigger prisons.

The relief sought by Samarxhiu and his lawyer? 1) An award of damages according to proof, but not less than $2,000,000. 2) An award of punitive damages according to proof. 3) Any further relief the Court deems to be just and proper. 5) An award of costs.

We misnumbered those intentionally just so see if you’re skimming. We know how you are.

Which means the rich guy’s daddy will hire an attorney to negotiate a settlement, the over/under is a cool million, and Niko Samarxhiu’s kids will get to go to expensive colleges.

We love a happy ending, and Niko Samarxhiu has the receipts.

The doofus, Ben Ralph, and his high-priced lawyers will claim Ralph was drunk after partying all day and was just joking. The claim will be his threats shouldn’t have been taken seriously because his texts and social media posts appear to have been written by someone with severe head trauma. Ralph may also take a shot at the “I’m in Australia, neener-neener-neener defense.” The lawsuit says Ralph is an Australian citizen but lives in California. Fleeing the country is a common strategy when jerkwads are faced with legal challenges. See also Roman Polanski and possibly Puffy, or whatever he’s called now.

Once the lawyers see how this case goes, they can take a look at whether Resorts World is complicit in what happened, and don’t be surprised if Resorts World gets slapped with a lawsuit, too.

Resorts World must not have run their statement by their lawyers, because it says “mistake” in it. The days of “handling things internally” are long gone in Las Vegas, ending right around the time Steve Wynn’s team (including Fontainebleau’s current president Maurice Wooden) handled things internally until the Wall Street Journal blew up Steve Wynn’s legacy like Cersei blowing up the Great Sept of Baelor with wildfire.

A source provided us with an internal Zouk group text that shows how Ralph’s messages ended up on the Resorts World screen. Behold, the exact moment when things went sideways.

Rob Kuba is in nightlife operations at Resorts World.

Jon Opas, at the time the Executive Director of Lifestyle Marketing for Resorts World, is no longer with the resort. Following the Ralph incident in 2023, Jon Opas reached out to us, basically to clarify the team at Zouk wasn’t aware of the conflict that transpired between Ralph and Samarxhiu earlier in the evening. That reaching out may have contributed to his departure from Resorts World, as he had been told not to speak to the media. It was also rumored he extending $250,000 in credit to the Ralph without a credit card on file or signed bill. Opas is currently working in Asia with his friend Alex Cordova, the former Wynn nightlife executive at the center of an alleged Palms/Kaos/Marshmello kickback scandal we busted open a few years ago. Nightlife is an incestuous business.

Dylan Marqez, who was just following orders, is an Entertainment A/V Technician at Resorts World.

We’ll be watching the progress of this case closely, of course, and possibly testifying if we have nothing better to do that day. We’re always happy to help fight the good fight as long as: 1) it doesn’t compromise our sources and 2)  it makes something even more about us.

For the record, we aren’t the one with issues, you are. You read this far. Weirdo.

The post Exclusive: Threatened XS Nightclub Manager Sues Bonkers Baller for $2 Million appeared first on Vital Vegas.

An individual witnesses describe as a “colossal dumbass” vandalized the giant martini glass in Plaza’s former porte cochere. The culprit appeared to be under the influence of unknown substances as well as deep and abiding stupidity.

The martini glass was one of the decorative items installed when the hotel’s Carousel Bar opened in May of 2023.

This is why we can’t have nice things.

A shoeless, unidentified male assaulted the martini glass in an unprovoked attack, breaking it off at the top of the stem.

Here’s some surveillance video shared by Plaza CEO Jonathan Jossel showing the incident and its aftermath.

As requested. pic.twitter.com/5iaojze8iD

— Jonathan Jossel (@JonathanJossel) June 4, 2024

Some people mistake martini glasses for cocktail glasses. Those people are rubes.

The martini glass is of special significance at Plaza because of the casino’s association with former Las Vegas mayor Oscar Goodman.

During his reign, Goodman was rarely seen without his martini made with Bombay Sapphire Gin, with whom he had an endorsement deal. Here’s an adorable video of Carolyn Goodman (the current mayor) making Oscar Goodman his favorite martini.

Back in 2005, Oscar Goodman made national headlines when he was asked by a group of fourth graders what one thing he’d want with him if he were stranded on a desert island. Goodman replied, “A bottle of gin.”

Not all heroes wear capes.

Anyway, we hear the martini glass will not be repaired or replaced, as it has been the subject of ongoing challenges, including being used by nimrods for potentially dangerous photo ops.

Today in shitheadery. @PlazaLasVegas pic.twitter.com/MNwivTOmGP

— Vital Vegas (@VitalVegas) May 3, 2024

We can’t blame the kids entirely, as they have terrible role models.

The Plaza’s martini glass sounded like a good idea at the time.

Just when we think people couldn’t do dumber things at Las Vegas casinos, they continue to surprise us.

A group of idiots once toppled the Manneken Pis statue at The D. Yes, we added the Benny Hill theme to the surveillance video. Do you know this blog at all?

Another inebriated MENSA member stole the Blarney Stone at The D for minute.

Yet another criminal mastermind stole a bust of Kirk Kerkorian from the Legacy lounge at Circa.

And these are just the downtown incidents that spring immediately to mind. Vandalism and general imbecility abound, everywhere.

As we’re renowned for always looking for every gray cloud’s silver lining, the good news is we have a wildly informative video to share involving martini glasses. This video is about to change your life. Gird.

While we aren’t able to share details about the resolution of the martini glass kerfuffle at Plaza, the incident took a concerning turn (beyond destruction of property) and we are assured the matter is in the hands of law enforcement and the shit-for-brains vandal will be held accountable.

Hopefully, that accountability will involve a cattle prod and possibly a human rectum. All due respect to recta.

The post Wasted Halfwit Vandalizes Plaza’s Giant Martini Glass appeared first on Vital Vegas.

If you love casinos, you are sort of obligated to love casino carpets.

Rio has begun installation of what can only be described as the ultimate casino carpet, an utterly glorious addition to the pantheon of legendary casino carpets.

The best part of sharing Rio’s new carpet is it’s the perfect excuse to mansplain. As if we need an excuse, but still. Drum roll, please.

Rio’s new carpeting checks all the boxes.

First and foremost, casino carpeting must help disguise stains and wear. Honestly, a plane loaded with giant tanks of multi-colored paint and glitter could crash on this carpet and nobody would be the wiser.

Second, the carpet is distinctive. It’s one-of-a-kind, as is required by casino law. This is why casino carpet fans can identify a casino by seeing just a small swatch of carpeting in a movie, TV show or TikTok video. This is very useful when there’s a casino robbery, often with grainy photos or video, and media outlets fail to included the location of the robbery.

Third, you thought we were going to say something about the carpet being so garish it forces guests to keep their eyes at slot machine level to avoid migraines and motion sickness. That, however, is an urban myth. Shame on you.

Lastly, Rio’s carpet reinforces the brand times infinity. When Rio was purchased from Caesars Entertainment by Dreamscape Companies, they could’ve gone 100 different ways with it, including a rebrand, but no. The name and theme stay, and the tropical vibe isn’t going anywhere.

The carpet has a lot going on, to say the least, including the depiction of various animals, including a monkey.

Monkeys will also be prominent in the under-construction Lapa Lounge (previously iBar).

There are also several kinds of birds featured in Rio’s new carpeting, including toucans.

Rio’s carpet also has a seemingly incongruous object, a balloon. To the layperson, the inclusion of a balloon makes little sense in this tropical motif, but laypersons do not have the benefit of our vast wealth of knowledge acquired following four minutes of arduous Internet research. Balloons are a big deal in Brazil. Hot-air balloon enthusiasts, “baloeiros,” launch sometimes massive balloons in defiance of local laws, taking part in a longtime cultural tradition that sticks it to The Man.

We’ve been keeping an eye on all the changes at Rio, and the results of the vision and financial investment are already paying off. Dreamscape took over operations of Rio from Caesars Entertainment on Oct. 2, 2023.

During our most recent visit, we personally witnessed what’s known in the hospitality industry as “customers.” Shocking, right?

The casino floor was hopping, and the main casino had more energy than we’ve seen at Rio in a decade. The new Canteen Food Hall was bustling.

There was visibly better morale among resort employees, a remarkable evolution at a casino many had written off, including us.

People were having, wait for it, fun. Even we had fun, and we are jaded and tend to have a knee-jerk scoff response to anything resembling change.

Rio’s carpet is more than just carpet, it’s a symbol of a change in attitude. A pivot toward fun.

It’s a statement about where Rio is headed as Dreamscape’s investment continues to show itself across the resort. Rooms have been renovated. Long-dormant venues are reopening (like the Wine Cellar). The pool complex has been given a complete overhaul, same with the resort’s marquees.

The entire exterior of the hotel has been fitted with programmable LEDs.

Dreamscape has been methodical and deliberate and is delivering on its promise to help Rio regain its glory days, albeit without the buffets and cheesy (but beloved) “Masquerade Show in the Sky.”

Rio has an uphill battle on its hands, given the years of neglect and awkward reviews, but this Rio isn’t that one, and Dreamscape’s $350 million renovation isn’t even done yet.

Rio is cheap, parking is free and while it still has a way to go, our fellow scoffers are in for a pleasant surprise when they revisit Rio.

Rio’s fresh carpeting isn’t the only thing that’s bright, the future seems to be, too.

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